For today I am a wild creature...

And tomorrow I will be lost again.

Kandinsky, Flood Improvisation 1913

I start work on Tuesday. That means I have five more days of freedom. I will be spending four of those days on the Isle of Wight. Started packing today, spent several hours searching for and putting up tents. I eventually found one small enough to carry, discovered it had a broken pole, but oh well, I'll make do. It's what I call a sardine tent; I will have precisely the same amount of space to move around in there as a tinned sardine has in its little tin. Only slightly larger than a kennel, and only slightly wider than a coffin. It's going to be fabulous. Also discovered that once I had packed my tent, my sleeping bag and the flattest pillow I could find in my rucksack there was virtually no room for clothing and food. Ah well, it's a festival, I won't need to eat or change my clothes. All this is part of the fun, right?

Spent yesterday watching Firefly and drinking gin instead of slaving for my mother and now I'm not in the best position to borrow a whole load of money off her. If the worst really does come to the worst, I shall change the 20 euros I have left in sterling, take whatever I can from the fridge, and hope that together with the £10 I already have I'll be able to eat.

Had a rather nostalgic conversation with Katrina about university and the loss of our youth. She yearns for change; I don't. She's off somewhere new; I'm not. But somewhere there were a few things we'll miss. Stability, protection, long train journeys, worry-free sleep, nights out in London, the comfortable routine that schooldays allowed us. I've been thinking about the the times I worried I'd fail my course and I know I'm lucky, and that I must've worked harder than I noticed at the time, but it's not enough, it's never enough, not even close, and now the tunnel's closing in and the light's fading and all I have is 37, a green room, some close friends, too many books and the remnants of summer. I'm still searching.
x
Edit: apparently I have won the school History award, God knows why. See fellow award-winners on Monday....