Then I'll wake all fresh and new tomorrow...

I have a fucking job! A better one! Eight pounds fucking seventy-five! I am also completely high on caffeine tablets after having had less than five hours sleep for the last five days. I felt completely physically and emotionally drained this morning, particularly given the last 24 hours, which have been a completely surreal rollercoaster ride, so in my break I went to the greasy spoon cafe on Wanstead High Street, ate a jacket potato with cheese, drank two cans of coke and took a whole load of Pro Plus. I am feeling dangerously alert and energetic. When the caffeine wears off I will probably fall asleep on my double bed for the first time in four days and sleep until Monday morning. It will be weird not being woken up by sheep, my mother or someone's phone. Tomorrow I'm not going to scamper around a pharmacy, I'm not going to wake up hours before I should. But there will be no singing the Kooks while cycling across sunny valleys and eating Full English Breakfasts in teashops and making friends with Northerners. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

The Peak District was fucking marvellous. I miss Sheffield accents and rural charm. Three days holiday feels like paradise when you hate your job and spend every moment you're there wishing you weren't. Getting back to London was thoroughly depressing, I think I was a bit overwhelmed by the chaos and smoke and humidity, although cliched as it sounds walking across the Thames at 2am watching the lights and the water made me realise why I love it. Living in London is like living in a million places at once. There's so much choice, so much glorious mayhem and so much that I still haven't discovered. Last night came close to wonderful, despite missing buses, not getting into the club, and getting emotional and disillusioned and exhausted at various times throughout the night. The horrible oppressive London heatwave finally broke at 4am under a pale orange sky.

Still getting over the fact that I have a new job, and I'll be doing something I actually love rather than settling for the first tedious shop vacancy I came across. I think I was more excited about getting this than about my exam results. (Although the caffeine tablets may have contributed to this...hmmmm.)

Everyone's gone away, it's just me here. Even the cat has been shipped off on another adventure overseas. It's weirdly quiet and empty, and this isn't a house for one. It barely feels like a house for four. I love noise and bustle and coming and going. For once, though, I have absolutely nothing to worry about. I have my results. I have a job. I've booked my holiday. I have money in the bank. I have wonderful friends. What else is there?

My mother left the following note for me before she left:

Things to Remember

• Please LOCK the back door.
• Shut and LOCK toilet window.
• Please water plants once a week.
• I have cleaned the freezer. Please leave the door open, unless you switch it on and use it.
• Please pick and eat the home grown tomatoes.
• Please put out recycling by the gate (on street) on Sunday evening or early Monday.
• Haven't had time to cancel milk - he came early and delivered 4 pints. Put a note out on Sunday evening. Put note in bottle.
• Couldn't get money out, police incident in Forest Gate. Cash points cut off. Left you my change.
• Fruits and chocs for you and Jack! (In my room.)
• Take care that windows are shut in thunderstorms.

See you soon. Love Mum and Dad.

My mother is bonkers!
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