But she's cold inside

I'm sitting at my desk drinking tea and the cat is draped across my knee. I've been feeling weirdly emotional today. Probably because I've been spending too long on my own. The heating is up very high, and I'm wearing a jumper and extra tights as usual.

Well I thought Casanova was pretty good, but other people described it as 'shit' and 'contrived'. It was quite clearly meant to be an amusing, trashy, eighteenth century comedy sketch, what were they expecting?

Anyway, it was nice to see people again. Just nice. And then I came home, and cooked my cookies and ate one of them, and realised my brother was home very early too and that he was working and that I should probably be working too.

I've mastered rotational dynamics and revised the Vienna Peace Conference this holiday though. It's something. The best achievement, though, was being able to sit down in the afternoon and do a couple of hours of work without procrastinating, getting depressed, losing concentration, and finding everything unrealistically hard. I'm beginning to work for myself, instead of for other people. How I wish I could have learnt this two years ago. Why did no one teach me this? In year eleven I worked because someone told me too. In year twelve I didn't work because no one told me to.

There's just this horrible leap from dependence to responsiblity, and no one tells you when to make it, and most people pick the wrong time. Too early. Or too late. That's why this whole year is an endless struggle. That's why I'm not going to university in September. That's why most people are.

The fire fades away
Most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of the world to me

xxxxx