Blue to grey, grow up and blow away...

I noticed today that I am completely covered in cuts and bruises from this job. I have pulled three splinters out of my hands this evening after spending the day sawing branches off trees, not to mention the bump on my head and severely injured shoulder I have from being knocked to the floor by a hyperactive 18 month old stallion yesterday afternoon. He's uncontrollable at the best of times, but yesterday he decided to kick me on the shoulder, tread on me and escape across the park leaving me with a nosebleed, calling for help on my walkie-talkie. I guess it's these incidents that make my job exciting and different, if also dangerous and stressful. The daily feeding and mucking out gets tiresome, but often we get to do things that are actually quite fun: vaccinating rabbits, painting walls, constructing fencing, pruning, planting bulbs, worming horses, carving pumpkins, grooming, clipping hooves. It's all useful and productive too. The downside is when I get home I've barely got the energy to stay awake, let alone cook dinner for my family, revise for exams and go to evening classes.

Going to university will feel like a step back: I'll be doing things for myself rather than for other people. I'll be a student rather than a worker. Worst of all, I'll no longer be financially independent. Going back to relying on my parents will be pure torture. And will a history degree actually lead to an interesting, fulfilling career anyway? I long to study something related to my job, but that's harder than it sounds. Especially considering I almost failed Maths and did substantially better in humanities than sciences.

I'm behind on all my courses, I'm struggling to get enough sleep and my room is in its usual chaotic state. The eyeliner I'm wearing is from yesterday, or the day before, and the only way I manage to do my job properly is by drinking the strongest coffee in the world every morning. But I have virtually nothing to complain about, because I choose to live like this. And it's not a bad life. I'm almost going to miss being a dishevelled, melodramatic farm worker living a stupidly eccentric lifestyle.

Perhaps university is overrated...