the sun won't swallow the sky... (hopefully)

i seriously wish the links on this blog weren't so screwed up, but i can't face the hassle of messing around with html to put them right so they'll have to stay like that.

and on sunday i came disturbingly close to quitting the anglo, quitting the ib, starting afresh, stabbing myself in the back, shooting myself in the foot. i hurt from working and worrying, i have an interview on thursday for somewhere i'll never get into. and worst of all if i don't get in there i have to live with my parents for another three years. in all honesty i couldn't give a fuck about the *oxbridge experience*, i'm just trying to escape from my parents. also i'm trying to create some sort of a life plan based on the fact that i am about to fail the IB. i could do any one of the following:
-go abroad and study in france for a while.
-forget about the whole uni thing, just get a monotonous nine-to-five job (preferably in the co-op, in true ex-anglo style) and indulge in academic freedom.
-commit suicide.
-retake the whole of my secondary education. or possibly just the last bit. at some point in the past i was a fairly successful, intelligent person. i have come to the conclusion that GCSEs are actually pointless. getting 10 a*s has not given me any advantage whatsoever in life. in fact in retrospect i wish i'd done less work.

damn. yet another component of my life that i have misinterpreted and then fucked up.
and why did everyone go to see franz ferdinand except me? actually my bitterness evaporated quickly when tim presented me with a beautiful franz ferdinand badge which i shall treasure. and also berengere told me that despite franz being her favorite band, the gig actually wasn't everything. i love you berengere. (though for many other reasons beside the franz ferdinand thing. i love the way your hair is curly then straight but always looks stunning. i love getting wasted with you (jesus i miss that) and i love the way you hug me better than anyone else. i'll stop now before this starts to sound reminiscent of mj. disturbing thought.)

anyway. my life is like a rubber duck. one that drifts down, then floats, then sinks below the surface again. what a bizarre analogy.
strange how fresh blood runs so stale.
perhaps i'll leave you in peace now.
x

(feel my lips undress your eyes...)