you're fucking up my head in every way...

see, the idea was to get up nice and early in order to start some hardcore work and revision. but it didn't really work out that way. then again, when does it?
i didn't have any breakfast, the reason being that the skiving milkman didn't deliver any bloody milk aujourd'hui. is this some kind of a joke? he already has an official *day of rest* every tuesday, and doesn't come on sundays either. i cannot go without beakfast three days a week! come to think about it, i didn't even want branflakes today, i woke up with a tremendous craving for banana on toast, only to find that there was no bread and no bananas. in fact there doesn't seem to be much to eat at all at the moment, except unsalted peanuts and vegetable quiches. oh, and dry branflakes of course. delicious. that's my lunch settled.

my brother came home yesterday a bit stoned and he was shaking and trembling and said he had this terrifying experience where he thought these people were following him when they weren't. stupid, stupid, stupid. why does he put himself in this situation? he's so fucking irresponsible that i feel like i should be keeping an eye on him all the time.
i'm so bored, though. i'll do absolutely anything not to work, this procrastination needs to stop. why are young people so lazy and self-indulgent? i feel virtually incapable of doing anything. i've even started going to bed early just to escape from everything. i woke up at 12.50 yesterday and was in bed by 11pm. my life is ebbing away, and i have done nothing with it. it's so frustrating and futile and infuriating. why can't i do some work? why? i would feel so much better if i did. it's just that horrible grinding boredom that sets in all the time and won't go away. i need to talk to someone. everyone phone me, please. i'm so bored it's incredible, and i can't phone anyone either, or talk to anyone, or do anything at all.
pointless, tragic, but it's nothing new i guess.
x

p.s. tascha, the conversation (well, argument then) that we had the other day reminded me of the libertines. i'm sorry for not knowing you.

Do you know me? I don't think so.
You romanticize the dark and gloomy past
Trying to escape from the underclass
You darkened the bright and beautiful day
You're fucking up my head in every way
And tell me everything is dandy and fine
You're no friend of mine